The Cleveland Browns Diary

For your general amusement and disgust, here is the Browns diary I've been writing all year -- will keep updating with new links.

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Game 11: Browns lose to Ravens on last second blocked field goal.

"He slid. Maybe he thought it would be fun to slide."

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Game 10: Browns obliterated by Pittsburgh.

“You should literally make your entire Browns piece this week just be a photo of Manziel with the ball just floating out of his hand,” pal Michael Schur texted me.

“On the first play,” he texted next.

“Against the Steelers,” he added helpfully.

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Game 9: Browns obliterated by Cincinnati.

"On Thursday, May 8 of the year 2014, the Cleveland Browns drafted Jonathan Paul Manziel, nee Football, with the 22nd overall pick. There are two staggering legends that go along with his drafting. One is that owner Jimmy Haslam was walking into a restaurant in Cleveland not long before the draft when, as he described it, a homeless man looked up and said, “Draft Manziel.” I like to think of this as Haslam playing George Bailey in the movie “It’s A Wonderful Life.”

Haslam: “Where are your wings?”

Homeless man: “I have to earn them. And you’ll help me, won’t you?”

Haslam: “Sure, sure. How?”

Homeless man: “Draft Manziel.”

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Game 8: Browns blow lead, lose to Arizona

Dwayne Bowe has been such a catastrophe that Cleveland just leaves him inactive most weeks. When asked about that, Farmer shrugged: “My job is to try and help bring the talent here,” he said. Yes. Yes it is.

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Game 7: Browns defense collapses against St. Louis

Karlos Dansby said this about defensive coordinator Jim O’Neil’s system:

“I’m trying to hone in how he wants to do it, because every coach is different. It’s a learning curve, man. Like I say, you’ve got a PhD in it. You’re trying to get a Doctorate now.”

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Game 6: Browns somehow, somehow lose to Denver

“What the (bleep) was that?” Mike shouted at me. “Why are you dragging me into your (bleeping) Browns insanity? What the (bleep) was that? And you know what the worst part is? You were out, man! You were totally out. Yeah, you grew up in Cleveland, you had to root for the team so you could have friends, but then you were out! Why would you VOLUNTARILY go back into this (bleep). Why?”

And then, he asked the most pertinent question of all.

“And why would you drag me into your Cleveland (bleep)?” he shouted.

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Game 5: What? Browns win! Browns beat Ravens! Radio announcer and legend Doug Dieken celebrates in his own way.

His broadcasting style is, shall we say, sparse. Here would be a fairly typical exchange.

Play-by-play man Jim Donovan: “Well Doug, now you have the ball with one timeout left and just 39 seconds on the clock …

Dieken: (Silence)

Donovan: “First down and 10 at the 20 …”

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Game 4: Browns pull defeat out of the jaws of victory against San Diego.

But is Cleveland really jinxed or is that something that we Clevelanders just tell ourselves to make it all seem a little more romantic?

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Game 3: Browns comeback against Oakland falls short. Of course.

The Browns have a dog mascot named “Swagger.” I did not know this until Sunday and honestly don’t know how to feel about it.

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Game 2: Browns soundly beat Tennessee, are still dreaming good things.

Orange is orange, right? Technically, the Browns went from Pantone 2026 C to Pantone 2028 C — so, hey, what’s two Pantones among friends, right? The Browns’ color had been Sunbaked Orange or Knockout Orange or just plain Orange, depending on the brand of paint. Now, it is Montana Dust or Poppy or Tangelo. So there you go: From orange to tangelo, really, we’re dealing with the same fruit family. It seemed like a nothing deal. Orange is orange is orange is the new black. It’s all good, no?

No. The answer is very, very much NO. It’s not all good.

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Game 1: Cleveland loses to Jets as I return to Browns fandom

So, no, it isn’t easy coming back. Well, comebacks are never easy. All you can do it try again next week. Maybe a quarterback change would help.